Monday, August 30, 2004

Dude... wtf?

Sometimes, the news is really odd. I mean... really odd.

Exhibit A. Man decapitated, friend keeps driving, goes to sleep. And in other news, Moonshine sales reach a record high in Georgia.

Exhibit B. French citizens kidnapped in Iraq. They will be released when France repeals it's head covering law. Jeez, maybe the Jews and baseball fans should take hostages too.

Exhibit C. Ten year old Billy pops a cap in his daddy's ass. Gangstas be warned, this lil homey is straight up ghetto, biatch.

Exhibit D. Noam Chomsky inspires hate crime. Jew on Jew violence. Don't be hatin'.

Exhibit E. Palestinians fast. Except on weekends. And days that end in 'y'.

And people wonder why I prefer to read 'The Economist' as opposed to other novels.

Friday, August 27, 2004

Bask in the orange glow...

Stolen from my Term Paper for Poli283 from last year:
The Pentagon march, as featured in the movie Forrest Gump, took place on October 21st, 1967, in Washington, DC. The initial idea of the march was to go to the Pentagon, levitate it, and make it turn orange. Once the color had changed, the protestors would know that all the evil spirits had been driven out. Fortunately, due to the laws of Physics, the Pentagon did not move.

Well, it would seem that we have a new group of hippies on our hands (or rather, their hands and kness). The BOP Collective, Brooklyn Orgastic Politics Collective, plans to have a giant orgy in an undisclosed location at the Brooklyn waterfront. But wait, it gets better. The "life energy" collected from this "Orgone" will be "redirected" to make it rain during the Republican National Convention.

Honestly, this couldn't be more tittilating. People humping and bumping, all in the name of George W. Bush. Sure, the guy may be the biggest douche on the planet (to paraphrase Penn and Teller), but he's definitely the cleaner of two dicks. C'mon, throw me a frickin bone here, people.

Like you weren't thinking about those innuendos...

Thursday, August 12, 2004


Lately, with all the trouble and turmoil that's been going on in the Middle East, there has been a lot of criticism of the Muslim / Arab world. A large amount of this criticism stems from the fact that the no Arab is actively denouncing the events of September 11th. You'll get no argument of that criticism from me.

But to those who have grouped all Arabs together, I need you to read this. Sure, Zakiyah Abu Sneineh is an idiot:

Zakiyah Abu Sneineh lost her 60-year-old husband in the blast, which also critically injured her six-year-old grandson, but said a Palestinian could not have been responsible. "Arabs couldn't have killed him, only Israelis," she said as she waited for word on how the boy was doing.

But there are others who aren't:

"Why are you defending them?" Palestinian Nader Omar asked a man with a leg injury who said it was too early to judge the bombers. "They are wrong. We should raise our voice against them. These guys don't use their minds."

But before I get too excited, an evaluation of what caused the denounciation of the Al-Aqsa Martyrs' Brigades:
  1. Drive to Jerusalem with a 20 kg bomb

  2. Get stopped at a checkpoint

  3. Toss your bag under another Palestinian's car

  4. Detonate it

  5. Run Away!

So, the only way for we, the Western World, to see a Moderate Muslim is to have them start killing each other.

Wait, that's not being moderate at all...

Monday, August 02, 2004

Watch your leg, someone might hump it...

Today's title is a lyric from the RHCP's song, 'Apache Rose Peacock'. Now what does that have to do with anything, you might asking? Well, settle in dear friend, and I might rant at you.

You see, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, like so few other successful bands out there, have been making music long before the advent of computers. "But what's wrong with computers?" Well... nothing, actually. The problem is is that so many musicians out there are use computers in their studio to tweak their instruments to sound the best, and then when they take to the stage... they suck. And I'm not just talking like Hooverphonic sucking (cause they are really good, actually), I'm talking holy-hoover-batman sucking. These so called musicians can barely operate their instruments, let alone rock my socks off.

So what sparked my rant? A couple things.
  1. A friend
  2. A MMM interview with Prince
  3. Red Hot Chili Peppers' CD 'Blood Sugar Sex Magik'

So I was chatting with my friend about music a few months ago, and he remarked that he greatly preferred a band that sounds better in the studio than on stage. I asked him why. He said that all of his favorite bands suck live. I quietly thought to myself, "That's because they are all gangsta and rocker wannabes." I didn't say it aloud though (obviously).

Last night, I was watching an performance and interview with Prince on Much More Music. Ok, before the Prince jokes start flying, I have to say that I really like Funk. And Musicology is funky. So one of the questions asked was what Prince thought of the current state of music. [FYI, in case you don't know, he has been in a legal battle with his old label due to their love for formulaic pop (or something to that effect).] Prince retorted that with the Internet, such as it is, the real musicians are able to create, record, and distribute all from their basement. And as such, all the crappy musicians should go away, right along with the outdated record labels. I honestly couldn't agree more. And right after he finished that, he pointed to his band's set up, and said, "These guys are the real thing." And they didn't suck, either.

I was first introduced to the Red Hot Chili Peppers' disc at summer camp in 1993. Almost two years after it had debuted, it was still on everyone's CD player. Two years after it had debuted, it was still getting heavy radio play. Many years after it's debut, the RHCP were the special guests on The Simpsons. If that isn't a testiment to their awesomeness, (don't you even dare mentioning N'Sync on the Simpsons) I don't know what is. But what of the RHCP now? Well, yeah, their new stuff kinda sucks... but it doesn't wholly suck. 'Blood Sugar Sex Magik' was definitely the pinnacle of those four players' recording career, and I doubt anything else they create will be as good. But damned if some of their new stuff doesn't rock.

There is a lyric on Jurassic 5's disc 'Power in Numbers' that states, "How many times I gotta hear some fanatic in my ear / Tellin me to keep it real when they ain’t payin my bills / Or feeding my kids". Well, unfortunately Mr. Akil, if you aren't keeping it real, then the next guy will be. And unfortunately, Mr. Akil, your 'street cred' won't carry you much further, unless you get back to keeping it real. (side note: J5 keep it real)

So what does my friend, Prince, Red Hot Chili Peppers, and Jurassic 5 have in common? Well, they were all featured in this rant. But besides that? They are all variations on the current state of the recording industry. None better or worse than each other... just simple variations. Keep it real, y'all.