Monday, September 27, 2004

GMail accounts

I have 6 GMail accounts to give away.

If you want one, post a line from Jabberwocky (make sure to include your current e-mail address here), and I'll send you off an invite.

Watch, no one will reply. I will be a GMail horder.

Sunday, September 26, 2004

OMG, you've killed Camel!!! (You Bastards!)

Link via PBase

Now you never hear about Camel bombings, do you?

"The AP Reports,

Three city blocks were shaken today in downtown Jerusalem as an Islamacide Camel Bomb erupted at 1:21 this morning. Residents of this otherwise quiet neighbourhood were found vomiting as they tried to clean bits of hump, hoof, and tounge off of their windows and walls.

A young boy, with a head shaped like a football began to repeat the backstory he gave to his camel, but was silenced by a redheaded matriarch.

Hamas, an off shoot of another Jew-hating organization, has claimed responsibility for this Camel Bombing. It is the third Camel Bombing this week to strike the suburbs of Jerusalem. City fire crews have been dispatched to assist the residents in their clean up."

And of course the follow up.

"Reuters reports,

It was a tragic day in the town of Jenin today, as Israel retaliated for last week's Camel Bombing. Today, Shiek Al Ackblak Mohammad was covered with honey and wild bears were then released into the town of Jenin. 26 children were frightened, and wet themselves.

The UN has begun drafting a resolution condemning Israel's actions.

Socially responsible bloggers have begun petitioning both Canada and Russia in an attempt to restrict the importing of Brown Bears into Israel, as they lead to unnecessary death and destruction.

Wouldn't that be weird?

Thursday, September 23, 2004

High Holiday Haiku

Inspired by JewGoo.

I am so hungry
But I have to Doochin now
Repent on your own

I hate this fasting
I would rather eat turkey
I am your rabbi

I like singing songs
But not these Jewish prayers
Outkast is more fun

Saturday, September 11, 2004

Three years ago...

Three years ago, I woke up late. I decided to oversleep, as I didn't feel like going to class that morning. After the usual morning routine, I stumbled my way up the stairs to hear my mom say, "the world trade center has just been attacked." I didn't think much of it, as I really wasn't thinking. I got into my car, put on a CD, and proceeded to drive to school. Upon arriving, most of the students were gathering in the cafeteria where a TV with make-shift bunnyears had been set up. By the time I sat down, the second tower had come down. We watched, in awe, as one man was being named for orchestrating the attacks.

Being the juvinile idiots we were, we pretended to be airplanes and rammed out heads into each other's torsos. Being the juvinile idiots we were, we didn't even take the human cost into account. All we saw were two buildings and two airplanes blowing up. All we saw was distorted by the desensitization we had been exposed too all those years before.

And now, three years later, I think I truly understand. I truly understand that the world governments are ineffective in stopping this sort of thing from happening. I truly understand that as long as there are monetary incentives to attack the 'Western Infidels', we will keep being attacked. I truly understand that the American people have more to fear from the Militaristic Marketing Campaigns telling them that all is okay than they do from foreign attackers. I truly understand that the UN cannot, and will not, do anything to save those being massacred in Sudan. I truly understand that Chechnya is an internal issue for Russia that affects the whole world. I truly understand that self determination, while a noble goal, does not need to be achieved by spilling the blood of children. I truly understand that there are a lot of people out there who don't deserve to be called people.

So before making jokes, racially charged ones especially, just remember the human price that is being paid right now. All we do is talk, and people continue to die. All we do is joke, and people continue to die.

Thursday, September 09, 2004

Just in case...

Just in case you thought dogs weren't self aware, Dog Shoots Man. When will people learn that gangland violence affects us all?

Just in case you thought Ken Jennings was unstoppable, rumor would argue otherwise. Yes, it's pretty crazy, but who are we to argue with rumor?

Just in case you were afraid to admit that you didn't know the meaning of the expression "Be afriad, be very afraid," Robot devours flies to sustain itself. The big question is what will cause this robot to develop a taste for human flesh and have it attack us, like some unholy automotan...

Just in case you've never seen "Titan A.E.", now's your chance.

Just in case meep meep meep, meep meep meep meep meep. Meep meep meep!!!

Thursday, September 02, 2004

Reflections on a theme

Stabby! Man attacks dog with sword. Penis envy to follow.

And that's the last time this week I plan on doing that --^.

Now, why have I gone and posted all these obscure news articles, and attempted to make a light situation of them? It's not because no one else does the same thing...

I've been toying with the idea of writing a book that deals with the Degeneration Of Society. I've had an odd feeling lately that things aren't as they should be... rather, as they could be. I don't really want to get into my nutbar theories here, as I'm slowly working on what could be called my opus.

So while I'm not posting these excuses for news, you should keep checking out the various news sites to spot the oddities. There are plenty of them. Consider yourself warned.

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

More farked up news...

Poit! Man makes love to pig. Pig squeals. Sister is embarrased. Society continues to degenerate.

Narf! Man kills three year old girl in 1969. I did a lot of things in 1969 too. Being incredibly morbid wasn't one of them. I was more down with landing on the moon.

Troz! Headless passenger spins in grave. Family claims to not notice.

Zort! We never had these sort of 'get out of jail free' cards when I was in high school. Wish I did though. I could have escaped all those hard lunch hours, on my own... with my friends... and my tuna sandwitch.