Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Whoop! There it is!

It is done. Now then, let us get down.

Also, like South Park making fun of AIDS, a radio show was cancelled because they were making fun of the Tsunami victims. You see, the problem is that they didn't wait 22.3 years. That's right, it takes 22.3 years for something tragic to become funny. So what happened in the latter half of 1982 that is now funny?

  • First Blood was released. But that wasn't that funny

  • The first lethal injection in the US is done. That's not as funny as the electic chair, though.

  • The UN passed a resolution condemning the Soviets from invading Afghanistan. It was pretty funny because the Soviets thought that they were going on a nice Arabian adventure. Unfortunately, US foreign policy stated back then that the Mujahideen were the good guys. What an explosive good time!

  • 9 die from taking Tylenol. Tylenol laced with Potassium Cyanide. Not exactly chocolate covered almonds, but tasty nonetheless.

And that's what I thought was funny. Oh yeah, and my conception began.

Monday, January 24, 2005

Democracy for all, boners, and soul proprietorship.

In a recent, somewhat not shocking, turn of events, Democratic Activists slashed the tires of the Republican vans. These vans were rented as a vehicle of the masses (sorry, that was a bad pun). Effectively, the voters who utilized this service were unable to make it to their voting centres on their own.

Now, rather than persuading others to vote, these so-called activists would rather dissuade those who already vote. That makes so much sense! By cancelling out the vote of those I don't agree with, I can ensure that my opinion counts more. Viva Democracy!

And in other news, massive boners are good for your heart.

And I've heard of a company owning souls (see: Ikea, the 10th circle of hell), but this is rediculous!

Thursday, January 20, 2005

The dark side made me do it...

Now all those who are anti-fat can blame everything transsaturated related on The Dark Side. French Fries, I am your father.

Also, today marks an excellent day. During a debate two weeks ago, a misguided young lady argued that she didn't like GWB. The only retort I found fitting was, "4 More Years." Now, that has been confirmed. The Inaugural Address, as performed by GWB, was both a nice thing to read and full of hope. I know there will be the Liberal Left angry at whatever he does, but they can kiss my whole ass. Condi has been nominated, but delayed. It will be a good year, once things get rolling.

How can you not agree?

Monday, January 10, 2005

Return to Bloggiscence

You again?

So now that my previous semester (from hell) is over, and now that I am sufficiently rested from my extensively boring winter break, it is time to pick up where I've left off.

I read the Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion today. It's an interesting read. I wish I had heard about it earlier... I might have been able to tailor my actions appropriately to reflect the words written in these protocols.

Speaking of Hamas, I was on my way out of school today, and an overt Neo-Nazi turns to his female companion and remarks, "You gotta check out this song that I downloaded from the Hamas website." I turn to look at him. He continues, "It's not on there anymore, though." As I'm leaving the elevator, I turned around and shot at him, "You're just mad because we Control The Banks." He stood there, dumbstruck, unable to believe that a Jew was admitting to controlling the banks. Maybe he'll think twice before using on of OUR banks.


And you heard it here second, "Abbas makes peace offer to Israel." My theory is that the intifada are going to make pieces of Abbas.

Story of my life.