Thursday, February 17, 2005

On Hockey

"You said you didn't give a f**k about hockey, and I never saw someone say that before."
- The Tragically Hip, "Fireworks"

Yesterday, shortly after 13:00, the Hockey season was officially cancelled. The owners and players were unable to reach an agreement - which was expected. And I'm sure everyone already knows everything there is to know about this issue, which is a whole lot more than I know.

What I do know, that you probably don't, is that I don't like professional sports. I think they are on par with the WWE and that they serve little purpose, save a reason to promote drunkeness. I understand that a lot of people consider them institutions, but I personally recognize it as a passing fad. Yes, I do understand that approximately 90% of North Americans are conventionalists, so they need to act with the group. But, there are still some 10% that do not need Hockey to continue on with their day to day lives. Hell, I'm just happy with the smack on my nose telling me I'm wrong, and the cookie telling me I've done good.

Before the end of last season, when the strike was imminent, I emoted to a friend that if this season didn't come back, the NHL would never come back. What could be better for a post-conventionalist, such as myself?

You see, it's not as cut and dry as I've recently realized. The Professional Sports industry employs more than the underworked, overpaid, play-whores and their "agents". I have to admit that a large amount of staff are needed to ensure that these events are successful. There is management of the arenas whom will take the largest hit. With no events, and therefore no staff at these events, management's purpose slowly becomes nullified.

Mr. Dick Haskayne once stated that the Enron management should be thrown in jail for upsetting "capitalism in it's purest form for the rest of us." I feel the same way about the hockey play-whores. Their salary is the only thing that sets them apart from the rest of us drunken slobs. Now, without their salary, the only thing that sets them apart is the public's acknowledgement as to level of idiocy that swims around in the gene pool.

What is left for Canada, if professional hockey goes the way of the DoDo? A former institution, baseball, has become as relevant as the Democrats. It's there, but it's only something people do when they are drinking heavily. We could all attend a lacross game, if not to see girls in skirts. And what of Football? Well, Football can stay. Basketball? Not in Canada. And last, and most certainly not least, Soccer has yet to become prevalent beyond high school girls.

Now, then, let's get off hockey.

And on to Dan Rather! I love that unbiased guy who is so not partisan.